And now Ida:

In another life I am an archaeologist.

Confession:

I have been told recently that I need to be more honest about how I feel about things, so here's something that I feel really strongly about:

I once told my mom that I thought that playing dumb to flirt with boys was stupid and was something I would never do. I was lying. In junior high I would have gladly traded ten percent of my IQ for a little more action. But there were simply no brains-to-giggles translators that I could find in my little town and I was trying to make the most of the arrogance and smarts that I had in abundance. So I pretended to be happy with this arrangement so that I would appear wise.

Would I give up some of my gray stuff now? No. But I also like to think I'm a little bit more adjusted now. But it's taken the same amount of awkwardness to get here - I just deferred mine while I was studying AP biology. My point is, little girls: flirt as much as you can in junior high. In high school. In your summer job; at the ballpark; wherever. Practice making as many friends as you can. If you think it's awkward now, wait 'til you have to practice in college. Not fun. Don't let anybody pressure you into solely academic rather than social pursuits, even if you ARE naturally the class ace. And don't be worried if he's a little dumb: he can learn where Israel is in POLI 1001. And drop the arrogance - remember: boys don't make passes at girls who make fun of girls who don't wear glasses.

To the other nerdy girls judging me now for giving up the "only academics are important" act: you know you were thinking it, too. Prom dresses trump A's any day of the week. Stop telling your little sisters and cousins and daughters that one day the boys will be beating down their doors. They know you're being patronizing. Do not buy them science books to encourage their arrogance and feeling of isolation from their peers. Do not tell them that Christian boys will prefer brains over boobs, when you know full well that Christian boys like'em, too. It's best to get over the unfairness of the neighbor girl's d-cups early. Teach them how to make chocolate chip cookies and apply mascara properly instead. And how to make small talk gracefully and how guys think differently than they do. Take them shopping. Show them how you interact with your friends, especially male friends (watch your language, though). They'll appreciate it in the long run.

An Explanation

So my new favorite book is Our Dumb World, a satirical atlas full of bogus facts and real stereotypes about Earth. This blog is about MY dumb world, full of real facts and possibly not fair stereotypes about me and my life. So there.

Scroll Buttons!

First Blog Post Ever. Diet Coke and Sudafed fueled. Awesome. Just like me. I was going to start my random ramblings right away, but I think that I might be too tired to wax solipsistic tonight (I'm very impressed that I used/spelled this word correctly on the first try - I looked it up to be sure) so I'm not. Gonna start my ramblings. Yet.

Except I am:

So sometimes I add links to my bookmarks and forget why they're there. Like this. And this. And this.

I remember this one, though. I made this bread. It was delicious.

Also this one. I was trying to make a gingerbread man with sprinkles near his crotch so I could mail it Jamie and say that there was a party in my pants, but it would never save.

And then there are the awesome links that I forget I have.

So I'll continue tomorrow. You'll have to hold your breathe til then. Except don't. Cuz you'll die.

Chew-a chew-a scroll buttons! Chew-a chew-a rock on! I gots scroll buttons like the day is long! I gots scroll buttons like the day is long!